My "New" LIfe

Well it's been awhile since I posted but I'm back with some thoughts about the recent turn of events that my life has taken.

A couple months ago Dan and I really felt we were sitting in a rut. We were really pondering what to do with our lives and what direction we should follow. During the 7.5 years we've been together we have gone from one thing to another trying to find the right pathway but never really having great success or a clear idea of where we were going. Dan has had a particularly difficult time figuring out a career path for himself but I do credit his constant work ethic and willingness to do whatever necessary to provide for our family. More recently we became really focused on trying to find a more secure path that would give us a bit of security and stability for our future.

We have been running our own business for the past 2 years. But as any business owner will know this comes with a large set of challenges that are often difficult to overcome. After our two years of work we felt we had sort of come to a point where we either needed to really invest and try to grow the business or allow it to sort of fizzle. We haven't completely given up hope on it, but Dan has come to learn that painting is not the thing he dreams of doing for the rest of his life. Plus work always disappears around the winter and holiday season leaving us with little to no income which is difficult to accommodate now that we have 3 kids and I'm no longer working at all.

So he went job hunting and was blessed with an offer to start an apprenticeship as an electrician. He was recommended to the job by a good friend of his and all of a sudden off we go with a whole new schedule and career path to boot. I'm happy that he has found something he wants to commit to and that he has a full time job with benefits (my teeth are thankful that I finally went to the dentist!) Being an electrician is also something he wanted to do before, but it just didn't work out.

In any case my main purpose for writing tonight is about the new life that I'm living these days. As of tomorrow I will have successfully made it through 2 weeks of this new schedule and I'm very slowly starting to adapt to no longer having a husband. I seriously don't know how all you ladies out there do it. I must be one big baby or a totally dependent woman because I am really struggling. Here are some of the challenges I'm finding:

For one I really love my hubby and I am basically holding back tears every time I think about how little I get to see him now. Go ahead and laugh but I seriously miss him. Even though we had our moments of getting annoyed with each before I'm now feeling seriously alone every day and night. He's gone before I wake up and then gets home around 6-6:30 depending on traffic. Then he's so tired he wants to go to bed by 9:30-10. Take out an hour of getting the kids to bed and I'm seeing him for maybe 2 hours a night. Not to mention the nights he has young mens or if I have any meetings or evening activities then it's pretty well a right off. I cannot lie this is something I do not look forward to getting used to. I'm not happy about never seeing my husband again :(

Secondly as sad as I am about not seeing him, imagine those poor little kiddies. They love their daddy but now that they see him for 1 hour a day I don't know what is going to happen. They are already acting even more attached to me than normal and trust me this is not a good thing. I'm sad that they won't get to spend as much time with him or play with him the way that they used to. Basically his presence is disappearing right out of their little lives. It's a big adjustment and perhaps a contributing factor to Marshal's really bad behavior the past 2 weeks. Sigh. And Cry.

Thirdly I now get to do everything around the house. Ok, so I know I was lucky before to have a hubby who'd make dinner and clean up etc. I always did more of the house chores than he did but he definitely helped out in a huge way. That's not happening anymore. With him only being home for a few hours each night, he doesn't have time to help out with anything. He does do bath/bedtime with me and that is great since I have no patience left for the kids by the end of the very long day! but other than that I now get to do it all and trust me the house is getting worse by the minute. I'm pretty sure I will never have a clean or organized house again. It's disgusting and its driving me nuts!

Fourth I feel like I have to learn this parenting thing from a whole new perspective. I've go to figure out how to juggle all the chores and all the kids. I have to make enough time for the kids, manage my time wisely so I don't want to run away by the end of each day, make meals, teach the kids, discipline the kids, always be patient with them (fat chance) and keep them alive and happy. So far this has been a big struggle, I am alone with them for sooooo much longer than I used to be. I know this part has gone poorly so far. Each day I'm learning a bit more about what is necessary for my/their survival. Maybe after six months I will have figured something out, but who knows! All I can say is this also makes me want to cry, a lot!

So I guess the main point I'm trying to make over here is that while I'm happy for my husband and his new endeavor I am not happy for me. I feel bad for saying that out loud but it's true and I like to be honest. I honestly don't know how I am going to survive this, everyday I keep pretending like I'm ok with it and it's going to be all right but all I feel inside is terrified beyond measure, inadequate in every way possible and like bawling my eyes out. I hate to admit how weak I am but right now I feel very very small. I want to be able to support Dan is this because I know it is important for him and for our family but I just don't know how to do that right now. I barely know how to keep us all alive right now. I'm literally taking each day hour by hour and it's still killing me.

Ok, there I said it all out loud.

This new life that I have, it's going to teach me a lot. I'm hoping I can walk out of it with some serious strength and power. I'm hoping I can overcome the small feelings that I have. I'm hoping I can do it somehow. Don't know how, but somehow.

How do you do it? What advice do you have for me? I really need it!!!!

Jordan

Fall Fun

On Saturday October 26 we took the kids out to the Calgary Corn Maze before it closed for the season. Luckily we were able to make it on the last day of operation and it was a perfect way to spend the afternoon. We went with our friends the Kutarnas and the kids had a ton of fun! There were so many fun things for them to do, picking pumpkins, riding the cow train, playing at the playground, watching pig races, feeding bunnies, having duck races, going down the big slide, bouncing on the giant pillows and of course riding the big trikes!

Sorry for the picture overload to follow but there were just so many wonderful moments to capture.

Trying to pick a pumpkin to take home.

Cohen found his!

Two happy boys ;)

Riding on the cow train.

Just milking a cow mom!

Cohen was the cutest little "farm" boy and loved milking the pretend cows!

Marshal was very happy to ride the teeter totter.

Cohen loves swings, can you tell?

Two happy boys, they love to swing!

Classic Marshal face. Not happy about having to stop swinging!

Pig races! Marshal LOVED them!

More milking.

They seriously couldn't get enough.

Duck races!

Cohen kept walking along with his little duck, it was so cute.

The cute 2 year olds- Cohen and Navy.

Feeding the poor overfed bunnies.

Enjoying a ride on the big slide.

Marshal going down head first! lol!

All the boys loved the trikes!

Marshal was very concerned that he couldn't reach the pedals. 

Cohen disappeared for a second and I turned around to find him running back from the edge of
the corn field with this cob of corn. 

Trying to get a picture, clearly he's not impressed. 

Little boy on a big bike.

Good thing we got to spend the day at the corn maze enjoying the last of the beautiful fall weather. The following week there was a giant snowstorm! Gotta love Calgary weather!

Jordan

Cohen is Two!

Earlier this month my sweet little Cohen turned two and boy has he hit two right on the nose! Cohen has always been a very easy going and pleasant little boy but he is showing a whole new side of his personality lately. Suddenly he's independent, strong willed, temperamental, demanding, clingy, stubborn and all around the exact definition of terrible two! I can't help but laugh at the pout of his lips as he repeats his new favourite word over and over again- "No, no no!" It certainly is interesting to have a new two year old in the house.

Here are some things I'd like to remember about Cohen at this stage:

1. He is starting to really stand up for himself and won't take anything from Marshal. He may be small but he is mighty, in fact he is even a little bit crazy when it comes to tackling and wrestling with his big brother. He is starting to be more of an instigator and is seriously the toughest little guy I know!
2. Cohen LOVES his stuffies. He is attached to a number of stuffies that he cannot sleep without, including: Curious George (his favourite which he can certainly not sleep without!), Woody, the Sleep Sheep, Snowy the dog and soft toys of Mater and Lightning McQueen. He also has a couple teddy bears and a few other friends that he sometimes likes to have in his crib too. 
3. Cohen is especially obsessed with Curious George and his blankie. It's so funny because Marshal has no serious attachment to any specific toy, but Cohen cannot live without his George and blankie. Sometimes it drives me quite crazy because he has to bring them wherever he goes, the breakfast table, when we go out, to friend's homes, church, tumble time, you name it George is there!
4. He loves Woody and Buzz, and I'm not sure why. I think he's only seen Toy Story once or twice and I just recently went out and bought Toy Story 2, but he is just obsessed with Woody and Buzz and says their names so cute- Dee Dee Dow (Woody Doll) and Bah (Buzz.) He has a couple different versions of these toys and is always so funny when playing with them. He really gets into it and Woody and Buzz do the funniest things. 
5. Cohen is having a language explosion. For a long time he didn't say a thing, even though I'm certain he knew a lot of words, but lately he's been testing out more and more words on a daily basis. Some of his words to date are: Turte (turtle), pie, want, more, mine, no, two, arr (meaning Mater), boy, brah (brother), peese (please), waar (water), baby, Novah, mama, daddy, me, car, cuk cuk (truck), bike, bus, nola (granola), andy (candy) and much more!
6. Cohen loves his baby sister and always likes to give her things, like a car or a granola bar, and hugs and kisses. He can say her name but will say it very rarely and only with a lot of persuasion. 
7. Cohen loves to play with his Daddy and Marshal. He is definitely a real boy and loves to be outside going on adventures with Dad and his big brother. He loves to wrestle, run, jump on the trampoline, swing, slide you name it!
8. Cohen is a very easy going little boy. As I said earlier he has a very chill personality and when he's not being "2" he is a complete joy. He is loving, kind, cute and sweet. Loves to talk, snuggle, read stories and play. 
9. Cohen is obsessed with cars. He is especially fond of Mater from Disney's Cars, but he also loves any car he can get his hot little hands on!
10. He is the master sound maker! Cars, trains, trucks, planes you name it he has a sound for it that in most cases is incredibly accurate! So cute!

Here are a few photos from Cohen's actual birthday which was spent in Sechelt.

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   I love my little CoCo cutie!
   
   
   
   
   
   

The Great End of Summer Adventure

For the Labour Day weekend we decided (very last minute I might add) to embark on a great end of summer adventure. Dan's sister and her family were headed to Waterton to camp for a few nights and we decided to join them so that the kids could spend some time with their cousins.

Camping is no easy undertaking and with a newborn it was even more of a feat, but I am really glad that we packed up our life (at least that's what it looked like) into the van and made the drive to Waterton for the weekend. We spent two nights at beautiful Waterton townsite and had a marvelous and mostly relaxing weekend. 

It was wonderful to slip away from the business and noise of the city and settle into the quiet and comfort that only nature can provide. I had been feeling a need to get away all summer long and this short camping trip was just what I needed. It was wonderful to get away and spend some quality time together as a family.

The weekend was simple and sweet. We arrived Saturday evening, set up camp and prepared for the weekend. Our boys were simply in Heaven from the moment we arrived. Their little faces were just lit up with joy to be free to ride their bikes, roam about and play as they wanted.

The main activities for the weekend included bikes rides, a hike up the Bear's Hump mountain, sitting by the lake and of course smores.

The boys slept in the tent while Novah and I stayed in the van to keep warmer and not wake the boys throughout the night with Novah's night time feedings. I was amazed at how well Novah did, it was as though she were at peace being outside. She seemed to enjoy the trip just as much as the boys did. 

Here are some pictures to document our trip.

Cohen trying to ride the strider. 

Hiking with Daddy.

Removing the dust and rocks from his shoes. We made several stops to repeat this process. 

Cute cousins.

Novah had an easy hike.

Our not so little family.

Everybody at the top.

Some of the amazing views at the top of Bears Hump.

At the lake.

Cute little Cohen.

Playing with rocks.

These two were in rock paradise.

Checking on his baby sister.

Building sandcastles with Auntie Sarah

Boys and rocks, need I say more.

Enjoying the beauty.

Me and Marshal.

A wonderful way to end the summer.

Jordan