Lately

You know when you just have a bad day and need to get something out? Well I didn't have a bad day today, I actually had a pretty great day, but lately I've just had to remind myself that I really love being a Mom. I am happy being a mother and it is a choice that I made but there have been a few rough days lately and some things are just getting tough. I try to stay positive but I'll be honest sometimes I find that I am the furthest thing from positive. I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but dang it sometimes it's just so HARD to remember!

I keep fantasizing about the time before I had kids. You know (or maybe you don't know yet.) But that time  when my hubby and I could actually go out on a date and not have to bring our infant along.When I could stay up late because I wanted to, not because I have children who refuse to go to sleep despite the fact that they are utterly and completely, miserably exhausted. That time when I got to sleep through the whole night and not be woken to feed a crying baby or comfort a sad toddler who just wants to climb into bed with me and Dan and kick me, and only me, not his Dad, the rest of the night long. The time when I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted! When grocery shopping was done at a regular time and not at 10:00pm (thank you Dan for going) because that's when the kids finally went to bed and Heaven forbid attempting to go grocery shopping on a Saturday with 2 babies by yourself! You know that time long ago when my house was actually clean for more than oh- 30 seconds. And boy do I miss that time when I didn't spend $200 on a outdoor play set for my kiddo and instead got to buy myself new clothes! Sigh.

Those were the days I tell you.

But I have to remember that those days weren't filled with slobbery kisses, adorable smiles and hourly hugs. There were no silly words and crazy dances. Those days weren't filled with two cute munchkins giggling and smiling at each other saying who knows what! There were certainly no tickle fests and constant repetitions of the words 'Ca' (car) and 'ruck' (truck.) Those days didn't involve staring into the beautiful eyes of two little boys and wondering how they can be so darn cute. Those days were not filled with the awe and wonder at how smart a 21 month old can be and just how much he has learned in the past 2 years. Those days did not involve me being so amazed at the miracle of life each and every day.

While I miss those days I am happy for the days that fill my life now. I just need to remember this when I feel like I'm being screamed at for the umpteenth time!

Perhaps one day it will be easier. And perhaps one day my memory will be much better!

Until then I'll keep trying to remind myself that I love being a Mom, no natter what.


Jordan