I'm sure this is the case for many of you fellow bloggers out there, but I think that we often put up a front on our blogs (or maybe I'm the only one.) It might not be because we want people to think we're perfect (though that would be lovely) but that we just don't want anyone to see our dirt. It's ok I know you all have some dirt to sweep under the rug, so do I.
I prefer to post about the positive things in my life because I'd like to look back and remember the happy things rather than all the depressing moments. That and I'm also a little bit overly dramatic when I get upset and down in the dumps, let me tell you things turn very dramatic very quickly, but for the moment that I am there that drama seems a total reality and it isn't until I start to calm down a little bit that I realize I am really over exaggerating. Ok run on sentence. The point is I don't like posting when I feel down because I know an hour later I'll feel ok.
And that brings me to now. I just really need to write about how incredibly done I am. I have definitely been on an emotional roller coaster ride with this pregnancy and let me tell you the end has been by far the worst. I am the most easily depressed, irritated, annoyed, and super sensitive person I have ever met. It's highly annoying. I can safely say that this pregnancy has really gotten the best of me and I am really at the end of my rope. I know I know, there's nothing I can do about it and I just have to wait it out but seriously can a girl cut a break?! I would give anything to not be pregnant anymore and I haven't even reached my due date yet!!!! And I most certainly will be overdue again!!!!! I'm constantly aching, I can barely walk (add to that the fact the I fell down the stairs yesterday and now have bruises on my hips/bottom,) the pressure on my pelvic floor is almost more than I can bear (and baby isn't even dropped fully!) I pretty much have two pairs on pants that fit me now- oh and they are both spandex, my shirts are barely covering the belly these days, my feet and hands are so fat and swollen, this heat is killing me slowly, I am exhausted every moment of the day from attempting to do things around the house and keep up with my insanely busy kids, also why is it that there seems to be more chores than ever to do? I have to go to weekly doctors appointments when they just listen to baby's heartbeat and tell you exactly how many weeks/days you are and that you're almost there! As if I'm not keeping track of how many days are left of this torture lady!!
And you know what is the most annoying- people are constantly asking me how I'm feeling and I have to smile and pretend like I feel great and I'm so happy being pregnant and 40 lbs heavier than I normally am! Because no one actually wants to hear how a 35+ week pregnant woman feels! What I'd really like to say it this:
- I feel like a fat cow who can barely move without shooting severe pain through my entire body
- I'm tired of having to pee every 20 minutes and feeling like I'm going to pee my pants all day long
- I feel like I have a giant tumour unbalancing my body
- I'm tired of waddling like a duck and people staring at me like I should be able to walk differently
- I feel like I'm about to die because I just can't take it anymore
- I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever and that this will never end
- I feel like this is the worst form of torture a person could possibly have to endure
Ok I should stop now before you all think I'm a horrible person. I know I should be grateful I can take part in the miracle of life, and really I am I'm just DONE with pregnancy!
Ok one last thing before I sign outta here, something that is also completely beyond me but leaves me feeling incredibly depressed- my body's inability to go into labour. Having been induced with both my previous pregnancies I feel pretty certain that I will yet again be undergoing another induction. Argh it's just so frustrating, I wish the doctor would just give me a date already because I'm ready to know when this will all be over. I'm so jealous of all you women out there who can go into labour naturally, and seriously prying that maybe this time it will happen on it's own. A girl can dream right.
Ok now that you all know how grumpy I am right now, I'm off. Let me tell you I feel a whole heck of a lot better now!
Jordan
I'm a firm believer an honest post is a good post. It always feels better to get things out then keep them in. I remember reading my mom's journal about the night before she gave birth to me and it was refreshing to hear how honest she was about how she felt. Anyway, I wish I could say something to make you feel better! All I can say is you are a strong beautiful women.
ReplyDeleteI like honest posts too! It's OK to be grouchy and done with pregnancy! IT IS HARD! Like Ang I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I know sometimes we just need to get things off our chests! I really hope that she comes soon for you!
ReplyDeleteHey there Jordan...haven't commented in a dog's age, but wanted to respond to this post. You are not alone! And I think it's perfectly acceptable to look people right in the eye when they ask how you're doing and tell them truthfully that you're done and can't wait to have a new baby instead of a giant belly! And you never know...third time might be the charm...it was for me. After 2 c-sections I finally had a regular labor and deliver with number 3. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Keep doing what you're doing. :)
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