On Being A Friend

Tonight I'm going to make a confession. 

I've always struggled at being a good friend.

For me the gift of friendship has never come easily. It's not that I don't like people or am too self centered to be bothered with the needs of others. Trust me I do care a lot about others well being. It's more that I feel awkward around other people. I know this may seem like an odd thing to admit to, but for as long as I can remember it has been really hard for me to make friends. I think I should get a little more specific here because most of you reading this are probably thinking to yourselves, I thought we were friends...? So to clarify, I do have many friends- people who I talk to, hang out with and get along with. What I don't have are many CLOSE friends.  

No just in case you're thinking, hey I thought we were pretty close friends! Trust me this is no fault of your own, its a fault of mine. You who are reading this right now may truly be terrific and for all I know you could be my best friend in the world, I just haven't quite figured out how to make you a great friend and let you in.

You see that's my problem. It's always been my problem. I keep a lot of doors shut with the people in my life. I'm not totally sure why but I've always been a very guarded person, being very careful and selective about the people that I become friends with and even more selective about the way I open up to those people in my life. It's as though I always keep up a fence to keep people just outside where I know I can keep myself and my secrets safe. Because of this I've never had many really close friends. I can honestly think of only two women who I have been best friends with, and sadly I don't talk to one of those women any more as we grew apart over time. The other I care about very deeply still but rarely talk to and never see since she still lives in my home town and I've moved out west! I'm sorry Miss Janice!

Since moving out west I've been blessed to meet many amazing women who I truly admire, respect and love to have as friends. But for one reason or another I keep up my boundaries and always keep these friends at a safe distance.

I truly wish that I could throw myself into friendships with the love and vigor that I see others do it with. I am always slightly intimidated by those who seem so charismatic and cheerful with those who surround them, while I struggle to open up and be close with those who I have know for years. I know it's something that I could work harder at, there is so much more I could do- for example I'm horrible at calling people! This is really something I should work on. I'm also bad at doing things with people. I have no problem organizing big events but I always shy away from one on one time with my friends. Obviously a huge reason why I can't get to know people better! 

All in all I'm not totally sure why I am sharing this with you other than that it's been on my mind a lot lately. I guess I want to say that I want to try harder to be a better friend. September always seems like the start of a new year for me (back to school means back to work for me) and so I want to make it a goal to try harder to be a better friend over these next few months! I really do want to have better friendships and closer friends who I can feel comfortable with knowing that I cherish them and they cherish me too. 

Have any of you ever felt the same way or struggled with making and keeping close friends?

Jordan

30 Day Pilates Challenge!

Once upon a time before marriage and babies I was pretty fit. Not in the sense of the word that comes to most people's minds but in a slightly different way. I wasn't a runner or a weight lifter you see, I was a dancer. When I was in peak condition I danced upwards of 15 hours a week. I also worked out on my own time, doing extra ab work outs and stretches, sometimes running the treadmill at the gym. I wasn't a fitness junkie, trust me I was not the super defined and completely thin chick with zero body fat. I just loved to be active. It was just part of who I was.

Then I got married and things changed because I wasn't studying dance in university any longer so I no longer had 8 plus dance classes to attend each week and well lets face it dance is expensive, so I couldn't afford that many classes either. My hubby and I joined the gym, I went to the odd drop in dance class, I taught dance a few nights week and also got myself involved in some productions so I still had a pretty active life. It wasn't what it had been but I was satisfied.

Then a few years later I got pregnant. I taught dance full time (5 days a week) while I was prego so that kept me feeling pretty good and relatively fit during pregnancy, but then after baby came things went down hill a little further.

However I can't complain completely because I did go back to teaching when baby M was just 4 months old. So even though I was now teaching only part time I still felt ok. I certainly was down to a 1 on a scale of 1-10 where my fitness used to be, but I wasn't completely hopeless. That part comes a bit later after baby 2.

I got pregnant again quite quickly after M was born and while I tried to maintain some fitness while pregnant- attending aerobics classes and teaching dance part time, I quickly became more and more tired and started to do things less and less. My formerly active lifestyle went kaput!

Now here I am with my second child almost a year old and I am sad to admit that I am just finally attempting to make a change in my now completely inactive life style! My body has truly turned into an enemy and I don't like it one little bit! I am constantly in pain, sore, stiff and tired! I know that all of these things stem from my serious lack of inactivity, but I have just been to lazy until NOW to do anything about it!

So my first goal is to do 30 days of Pilates. I'm starting small (with the basic 7 exercises) but I hope to increase the number of exercises I do each night to eventually get up to the full matwork series. And here's the best part Dan is doing it with me. We've both really been struggling with not being as fit as we used to so he has agreed to give Pilates a try with me. For any of you who are familiar with Pilates you'll know why this is a such a great challenge and why I'm SO excited about it. And well if you don't know anything about Pilates you should learn because its and amazing form of exercise that you can do right on your living room floor! All you need is you and a mat.

I'm totally excited to keep you up to date on how this goes and to feel my body transform (life, energy, flexibility) over the next month!

YAY PILATES!

Wish me luck. I'm getting my body back.

Jordan

A Visit From the East Side Grandparents!

As you may or may not know Dan and I are from Ontario, so we still have family back on the east side of Canada. Dan's parents took a drive across the country this summer to come and visit us for a week at the end of June. It was really fun to have them come and hang out with us and it was also really great for the kids to see their grandparents again. We didn't do anything too exciting while they were here (exciting can be challenging with 2 little monkeys!) but we did have some really fun adventures. Here are a some of  the things we got up to that week.

We took a drive to Nanton (that was interesting, Marshal screamed to come out of his car seat the entire 45 minute ride- why we are planning to drive to Vancouver in a week is beyond me!) to visit the train store there. Totally worth the screaming ride. Marshal absolutely LOVED the train store and outdoor train play world. It was truly amazing, I have never taken Marshal to a public place before and not had to chase him around like a crazy chicken with it's head cut off. Seriously I'm normally that insane looking mom who is running all over the place. It was absolute heaven to sit down and chat and just watch him play. Totally a kids paradise.

Train heaven!

Happy as can be.

They had train tables like these all over the place, even next to the area where we ate lunch, amazing!

Totally loving it.

The model train display, Marshal was also pretty fascinated with this.

Cute little Cohen.

The guys worked on the truck one afternoon at home.

Dan and his Dad- favorite thing to do together!

Cohen was taking notes.

Dan's parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary while they were here so we all went out to dinner to celebrate! 

The whole gang!

The lovely grandparents and their two little grandsons. 

All in all we had a great visit with the Fullers and are really happy that they were able to make their way out here this summer. Marshal really enjoyed getting to know his grandparents better especially as he is now at a better age to actually recognize and remember them. We can't wait to see them again soon- hopefully this Christmas!

Jordan

May Long Weekend (I Know that was 2 Months Ago!)

Well I've been neglectful about blogging but we've been up to a lot of adventures lately! I won't take the time to go to in depth about everything because I am going to go WAY back but I want to write these memories down so that I don't forget everything!

May Long Weekend- I realize it's July but better late than never right? Ok so for the May long weekend we had Dan's sister and her family come out to stay with us for the weekend. They made the drive into Calgary from Creston, BC to visit us and some of their other friends. It was so great to have them visit! Even though they don't live that far (it's about a 6 hour drive) it's a difficult trip to make with young kids which we both have! So the last time we saw them was last August when I was still pregnant with Cohen. Anyway it was really fun for Marshal to play with his cousins Violet (3) and Desmond (1.5) he absolutely LOVED them and it was so cute to see them interact together. Sadly we didn't get up to much (their visit was short and the kids weren't super cooperative!) but we enjoyed the time we had to visit with Sarah and Jesse and their kiddies. Here are a few photos from the weekend visit.

Marshal and Violet hugging.

Reading his birthday card made by Violet.

Opening his birthday present.

Playdoh.

Hanging out in the backyard.

Our attempted bike adventure.

Our sweet ride.

The lovely crew.

Marshal and Desmond hanging out in the bike trailer.

Dan and Marshal.

Sarah and Violet.

The cute little cousins, plus Sarah!

Cohen and Violet.

We attempted to go on a bike hike on the holiday Monday but sadly for all our efforts the kids didn't think it was the greatest idea! After about 15 minutes we had to turn back as there were a lot of unhappy little riders. I guess we'll have to wait until the kids are a bit older to attempt something like this again. A|ll in all it was a great visit and I know Marshal can't wait to go visit his cousins at their house later this summer!

Jordan

This One's For All the Girls....

Ok so I'm going to try to be terribly honest here and open up a topic that I think 99% of women rarely discuss but always think about. The reason for this post comes as a response to a discussion that I happened to fall into with a couple girlfriends the other night. For whatever reason we got onto the topic of  "clicks" and "popularity," "impressions" and "intimidation."

Let me take you back a little bit to my days in high school and university days...just so you can get an idea of what kind of girl I was.

I was shy.
I didn't wear name brand name clothes.
I shopped at the Goodwill.
I didn't drink, party or smoke.
I didn't go to sleepovers mainly because I was a home body and afraid of drinking, smoking and drugs.
I was in band and a quintet.
I was in multiple choirs.
I danced 6 days a week.
I was totally a nerd (like seriously, I shed tears if I got below a certain grade in any class)
I never stayed out late or did things with friends.
In fact aside from my bestie at school I often felt utterly and completely alone.
I was a skinny toothpick with no boobs.
I took a Grade 9 to my prom because no one would ask me and I had no other guys friends to go with. 
I didn't kiss a boy until I was 18.
I didn't date a boy until I was 19.
I was definitely and most certainly not ever popular.

For most of my life I have felt like the odd one out. Even among those friends I have had, I have never felt like I truly belonged. I was often left out of events and get togethers- I was never invited to parties. I was incredibly shy so I rarely spoke to anyone, but I had a very confident carriage thanks to my years of ballet training. This combination led to what I became aware of as, "looking like a snob."

I kind of just accepted that this is what people thought of me and went with it (still do sometimes.)

The popular girls would always stare me down at school and when I went to church activities I could feel the girls whispers whenever I walked in the room. I pretty much had no friends, save my little sister and her girls friends because she was much more charismatic than I.

I really was alone, and top it off (as I've mentioned) I was a dancer.

Some may think that this would be amazing- well yes it was what I loved and it brought immense joy to my life, but it also came with a price. Let just say that criticism is a major component of dance and unfortunately there are many dance teachers out there who do nothing more than tear you down and make you feel like nothing more than a body full of flaws, never good enough to live up to their expectations, not talented enough to have that solo, or skinny enough to wear a certain costume on stage. In dance your errors are always magnified in front of a mirror and plain for you to see. While it was something I loved it was also something that made me incredibly self critical and never satisfied with who I was.

Ok so to bring this back around to what I hope to discuss here-

I may have looked skinny and beautiful to other girls, but I often felt horrible about who I was. I didn't have any real friends who I could open up to, boys never spoke to me and I could never dream of being asked out on a date. I didn't fit in, even with my ballet girls who were much cooler and had way more friends than I could ever hope for. There was always someone prettier, skinnier, cooler, better dressed and more talented than me.

Now the point of this is not make you all feel sorry for me- its to raise awareness that we all feel like this. I'm quite certain (especially after the discussion that I had with my gal pals) that as women we are ALWAYS comparing ourselves to others.

Now that I'm a mom it's a whole new avenue of comparisons but they are all still there- there's always someone who looks like they have it all together and maybe that person is me- but trust me I don't have it all together! There are plenty of women out there who I look at with a little pang of envy because they own a  house, or have an awesome job, or an amazing sense of style, or more education then me, or a wicked talent, or adorable children, or a cool car, or always prepare amazing meals, who's homes are decorated amazingly etc. etc.

The point is that none of us are perfect and none of us have it all together and NONE of us should be jealous of or intimidated by one another.

If anything we should be working together and supporting one another and learning from the areas of strength that we each have. Some people may seem beautiful and perfect but you can't judge a book by its cover.

I don't want to share my dirty laundry but trust me house it full of it and not just in the form of clothes!

I put on makeup everyday because it makes me feel better about who I am- sometimes I wish I were confident enough to leave the house without it- but I'm not. I've got my insecurities too, and let me tell you I always look at the girls who look beautiful without make up on and wish I could be confident in my skin just like them.

It has never in my life been my intention to intimidate anyone. I know that people have viewed me as this way for a significant portion of my life and I'm sorry for that, but trust me when I say I really am nice. I'm not mean, or critical and I most certainly don't judge you, I've done enough of that to myself and continue to struggle with it every day of my life.  I became a dance teacher because I love dance but also because I wanted young women to know that they could do something they loved and still feel amazing about who they are. I wanted to create wonderful dancers who are also confident human beings who love themselves and don't always wish to be something more.

Let spread the word and learn to accept who we are: our height, our weight, our hair color, our cars, our house size, the number of kids we have, the meals we cook, the dirty floors and piles of laundry, the makeup we wear or don't wear, the shoes we own or would never dream or wearing.

We're all different and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact there's everything right about it! I'm not saying we're all going to be best friends, but we can love each other for who we are and not feel like we can't go out to certain events/places because we're scared of what others might think of us. Let's learn to love who we are and be confident about that woman...because that woman is YOU!

Jordan

Marshal's 2nd Birthday! It's Been A Long Time Coming

Well sadly I fell off the face of the blogging planet. I've been swamped with work for our business and never have time to blog anymore. Anyway I'm back at it and hopefully I can maintain some sort of consistency throughout the summer months. A lot has happened but I can't seem to remember all the good stuff so right now I'll tell you about a super important event- Marshal's 2nd Birthday!

Marshal turned 2 on May 25! I seriously cannot believe that my baby is 2- where has all the time gone? I went as all out for his party as I could muster with also having a wee 7.5 month old to take care of. I find joy in planning, decorating and putting together something fun. I definitely could have organized things a little better with the way some things turned out (ie. the birthday cake- looked pretty icing was a huge disaster and tasted awful!) but all in all I think the party turned out pretty well. I am fortunate to have some super talented friends one of whom (Alex) snapped a few shots for me at the party while I was busy trying to be a good hostess.

So the theme of the birthday party was Rainbows! Really I just wanted an excuse to make the fabulous rainbow cake I'm sure you've all seen via Martha Stewart or Pinerest. You can see the picture of my cake a little later in the post. 

Ok here are the classic tissue paper puff ball decorations. My favorite because they are both cute and incredibly cheap to make! 

Luckily the weather cooperated so we were able to have the party outdoors as planned!

Food table:

And here are all the party kidlets looking oh so cute!

Time for presents:

When we started singing Happy Birthday to Marshal he started screaming at the top of his lungs! It was absolutely hilarious!

Here we are cutting the cake:

And here it is, the rainbow cake!

Like I mentioned above  the cake didn't turn out completely as planned. I was totally pleased with the colorful cakes themselves, but I ran out of time to make icing and ended up buying a big tub of Wilton icing from Michael's craft store. Sadly this icing seemed to have gone bad but I didn't realize this until after I had put it all over the cake! It tasted horrible! And we ended up throwing over half of the cake in the garbage. Luckily Michael's was awesome and gave me a full refund for the icing when I went there to complain after the party, because it wasn't cheap!

Thank goodness for the cake pops which I decide to make at about 11pm the night before (I know I'm totally crazy!) But they tasted delicious to make up for the yucky icing on the cake!

Marshal enjoying his new pedal fire truck:

We also had a pinata, which the kids were a little young to understand. But I think they still had fun:

Marshal searching through the treats with Grandpa:

 And here are just a few amazing pictures I had to share! 

Marshal was pushing Natalie around in the fire truck but she got stuck!

 All in all it was a great party and I think the kids and grownups all had a ton of fun. 

I'm still getting used to the idea of having a 2 year old who has fully decided to enter the Terrible 2s! Got to love that little guy and all his will power!

Jordan

HOT Yoga!

I know I've been the lamest blogger ever lately but life has been so super crazy busy!

So rather than try to update this lame-o blog I'm just going to dive right in here with today's events.  My baby turned 7 months old today CRAZY I tell you! And so to celebrate not working out for the past 7 months ;) I went to a hot yoga class this morning. Let me tell you about my very early morning adventure.

So last week my girlfriend Angela asked if I'd be interested in taking a hot yoga class with her. I was interested. Why? Because 1- I love yoga and it always makes me feel so good 2- I seriously needed to get back into exercise mode as it has been 7 months since I gave birth and 3- I've never done hot yoga before but have always been super intrigued by it. Then I found out that the class was only $5 and that turned up my excitement a few more notches! Because seriously you can't pass up a class for only $5 that's a super great deal. The classes are also really early in the morning which could be a huge turn off but the fact that it is so early actually made me feel like I could do it with a little more ease. Hubby and kids are still sleeping at 6:00am- so I can get out, get some exercise and come home and get the day rolling.

Ok so today was the day that we braved the 6:15am class!!!! I woke up at 5:30 this morning and we rolled out out of our neighborhood at 5:50. It was seriously a miracle that I got out of bed I don't think I have ever woken up that early before except to tend to a crying baby. However since I'm now used to being sleep deprived  I figured I may as well get some exercise. And I am totally glad that I went. The class was fast paced and the teacher was a little different from other yoga instructors that I have had in the past, but all in all in was terrific. My body felt amazing both during and after class and it was nice to remember some of the things that my body can do (though definitely not as easily as before!) I enjoyed the hot room- definitely adds an element of challenge to the class and I loved how rejuvenated I felt afterwards. I'm still up (at 10:30pm) and have been going strong all day long!

And so Angela and I have decided to go back this Thursday as they offer this particular class twice a week. I hoping that I can commit to 2 classes a week but if I can't manage that I'm for sure going to make it to 1. I'm so happy when I exercise and I know my body thanks me for taking some time to stretch it out. I'm glad that Dan kicked me out of bed this morning when my alarm went off and that the beautiful sun was pouring in my window. It made it that much easier to get up and get the day going with some exercise. I love yoga!

And now I think it's time for me to sign off and hit the pillow.

Jordan