Life Captured Project- Day 15

On Saturday morning I always try to sleep in. 

Be advised sleeping in when you have three children is not easily accomplished without some serious repercussions.

Like for example the time when I shooed the kids away to get their own breakfast and they ate a tub of ice cream. 

And that time when they ate a bag of cookies. 

Or that one time they ate abut 7 yogurts and plastered the table with a yogurt icing film so think I had to scrape it off. And tried to clean up the floor by squeezing an entire bottle of dish soap out. 

Dan is usually good and gets up with them shortly after I shoo them away but never fast enough to stop these Saturday morning binges. Oh well I guess that's price you pay for being a lazy parent. 

I guess somewhere along the line its worth it. 

Jordan 

Life Captured Project- Day 14

Do you remember a time when you felt lonely? Can you describe it?

Feelings of loneliness cling to my soul

enveloping me with empty arms.

The subtle quiet of desolation surrounds the chambers of my heart.

I stand among a field of blank

A chasm of nothing.

I am disappearing faster than they are.

There was a time of plenty,

brimming over with laughter 

It seems a vision 

a wisp of reality 

long past. 

Now there is void quickening around me, 

it won't be much longer. 

I am lost to the fog.

Image Link

Jordan 

#lifecapturedproject Day 14

Life Captured Project- Day 12 & 13

I felt like the prompts for these two days went well together so I decide to lump them together into one post.

Are you looking forward to Christmas? Why or why not?
How do you feel about the holiday season?

This year we will be having a very different Christmas than our last few. For the past 6 years we have spent our Christmases in Calgary building traditions with friends and the family that followed us there.

The first Christmas that we spent in Calgary was in 2008. It was just Dan and I. We had only been there for a few months (having arrived in September) and we didn't have many close friends. We had a simple Christmas with just the two of us with lots of gifts since we were both working full time. We also threw a small but memorable Christmas party with a few other couples from our ward (Church congregation.)

In the following years we continued to throw a Christmas party which became know as an annual tradition. As we got to know more and more people the parties got bigger and bigger with lots of food, fun, friends, games and eventually even babies sleeping in bedrooms while the grown-ups partied the night away!

I had a lot of other fun holiday traditions in Calgary including an annual girls gift exchange with all of my lovely lady friends, attending the live nativity pageant with my family, hosting Christmas day dinner, cookie decorating parties for the kids and their friends and even a boxing day shopping tradition. We certainly made the holidays a time of busyness and fun for the family.

This year we are in a new town far away from all of the traditions that we have spent so many years building. There will be no big holiday party lasting until all hours of the morning with our favorite people. There will be no fun girls night out to get all dressed up and share a laugh over appetizers and fun new gifts. There will be no freezing as we bundle up to go sit outside and watch the live Nativity in Calgary's famous -30 weather. There will be no hours spent in the kitchen trying to make the perfect holiday meal. There will be no cookie parties or shopping till we drop on the craziness of boxing day.

It's going to be a very different Christmas this year. And I'm ok with that but I can't help but feel a little nostalgic for the Christmases of the past.

This year we will get to spend time with my husband's family taking part in their traditional Christmas Eve dinner. Our children will have the chance to spend holiday time with their cousins, something new for them. We will get to spend time with my Aunts and Uncles on Christmas day and begin many other new traditions for our family. It's going to be a new kind of Christmas this year but it will still be filled with the love, fun, magic, joy and peace that always surrounds this special season. I am looking forward to experiencing a Christmas of many firsts.

Truth be told the holiday season is my favorite time of year. I have such strong and fond memories associated with the Christmas season that always bring me such feelings of joy, excitement, rapture and peace. It truly is a blessed season. Thinking about Christmas always makes me happy.

Growing up I was a member of an amateur dance performance group which put on an annual Christmas production. Each September we would begin rehearsals every Saturday until mid December when we put on 4-6 shows for local elementary schools and the public. I first appeared in this show when I was 8 and performed in my last show at the age of 17 in my final season with the performance group before going off to University the following fall.

The "Christmas Show" as we so lovingly dubbed it at the studio I grew up at was a huge part of my life as a child and dancer. I spent all of my Saturdays from September to December listening to Christmas music, rehearsing dance numbers and preparing to put on a joyful production filled with exquisite costumes, beautiful sets and lots of props!

I was also lucky to be a part of several choirs during my elementary and high school years and Christmas time was always filled with beautiful choral music, concerts and caroling. I love Christmas music and being able to sing and share the joy, peace and love of this special season with so many through song was always such a blessing to me.

Each year as December approaches some of my most cherished holiday memories come flooding back to me along with all of the new joys that I have experienced at the Christmas season since becoming a parent. I truly believe that Christmas is a magical time of year. As a Christian I love being able to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. I really do feel that there is something extra special about this season. People seem to be more generous, kind, caring and compassionate. I love the time spent with family, the festivities, the special music and holiday gatherings.

I can't wait to enjoy more of this Christmas season as the date gets closer and closer!


Jordan

Life Captured Project- Day 11

When I think about what I will enjoy on my Friday evening

 I think of the simple comforts that I will find.

Coming home from work to a quiet house with the children safely tucked into their beds. 

Cuddling up on the couch with my hubby under a cozy blanket.

Enjoying the glow of the Christmas tree. 

Feeling the warmth of the fire.

Eating a bowl of freshly popped corn.

Watching a movie.

Relaxing. 

Sometimes the simplest things bring the most comfort and joy at the end of a busy week. 

Jordan

Life Captured Project- Day 10

When was the last time you cried and why?

I've cried a lot recently.

Monday evening around 5pm while making dinner.

I started sobbing because of a letter we received in the mail regarding an amount we are being charged from our previous property managers. We had previously responded to their first letter appealing some of the charges but their response was basically too bad.

So sad for us.

This was really just a trigger for the tears which have flowed quite freely as of late for the losses that I have felt in my life.

Loss of the nearness of my family, loss of my wonderful, fun and supportive mom friends, loss of the children's friends, loss of the time we were able to spend with our friends weekly, loss of my social life and the groups I was a part of, loss of the wonderful community that I grew to love so much.

A good friend told me that what I am going through is like losing someone (to a certain extent.) And so it as if I am mourning. It's true because even though these people and relationships that I miss so much are still alive, they are not a part of my life anymore, at least not in the way that I have know for the past 6 years. I no longer get to share the day to day trials, triumphs and experiences with them.

My life has changed dramatically and it is ok to feel sad about not having what I used to. But it is also good to recognize what I have gained with the change. While some things may never be the same again there will be new joys to find and new discoveries to make.

Soon there will be less tears.

But there will always be a tiny space in my heart for those who I do not get to share my life with daily anymore. Friends that I found that I never dreamed I would find. Friends that I hope will last a lifetime, despite the distance that has come between us.


Jordan 

Life Captured Project- Day 9

I confess I didn't read much today. My day was spent chasing after kids, feeding hungry mouths, cleaning up after numerous meals, changing diapers, doing laundry, baking, attempting to play with the kids, cleaning up toys, disciplining, prepping music and notes for the dance classes I taught tonight and lots of other fun things like that. I haven't been very good at reading inspirational literature lately and I think I need to make a change in that department. I find words can be very powerful and I really enjoy taking the time to sit down with a good book, an inspirational blog, my scriptures or whatever source of good words I can find. So mental note to self: find (make) time to read if only a little bit each and every day.

Today I'm supposed to share with you something I  read that made an impression on me. But since I have read only my ballet notes and syllabus books so far I'll share something that I glimpsed last night when I was in a somewhat sour mood and needed to be lifted up.

This little jem is on the sidebar of a lovely friend's blog (she knows who she is.) I've noticed this on her page before because it just sort of jumps out at you with its bright colors. It's like a happy rainbow waiting to put a smile on your face. Reading this quote did two things for me last night. 1: It made me feel entirely selfish and ungrateful for all the blessings in my life and 2: It made me stop feeling sorry for myself and sad and depressed about all the challenges that I am facing and immediately made me think of some of the great things that I do have in my life. 

The fact of the matter is that we all face really REALLY HARD stuff in life. Some of us deal with very sick children, some of us struggle financially for our whole lives, some of us deal with death, some of us deal with disability, some of us are victims of awful crimes that force us into a lifetime of recovery, some of us have so many kids we think we might lose our minds, some of us can't have kids, some of us have stressful jobs that take us away from our families, others can't find good work and have to work at Walmart just to pay the bills. Some people seem to have all the luck in life while others seem to have nothing. 

When it boils down to it we all have or will have something hard to face at one point or another during the course of our lives. When things are taken away from us or we can't have what we want we are left to figure out what it is that we truly value in life. We are left to see the beauty of the blessings that we do have and what face will we put forward when we are hit with a torrential downpour. 

Will we cry and lament the unfairness of the world or see the beauty and rejoice in what we have been given? Will we realize in our moments of despair, that there is still a bright and colorful rainbow to lift our spirits? Even when we feel everything has been taken away from us- friends, family, work, money- whatever the case may be we still have our spirits, our souls. There is always something bright and beautiful to rejoice in. 

I want to feel that there is nothing lacking in my life and take the whole world by storm. I want the world to belong to me. This coming year I am going to try very hard to stay positive and uplifted each and every day. I have a natural tendency in my character to become easily brought down and left feeling sad and depressed (I try to hide this so maybe you didn't know this about me) but I'm going to do my hardest to find the beauty in each and every day, even when I don't understand what I am dealing with. 

Here's to a year of happiness and joy!

Jordan 

(Side note: I'm loving this blogging challenge, it's already helping me to get a better perspective on things)

Life Captured Project- Day 8

A couple of my dear girlfriends are participating in an amazing blogging challenge found over at Life Captrued Inc. and I've decided though late, to join in on the December challenge.

I often struggle to find the time to blog because lets face it there are not enough minutes in the day for a mother of three. As of late I haven't put blogging high on my priority list but I'll admit that it is one of my favorite things to do. I have always found immense joy in writing and it is often the perfect way for me to release my emotions. Writing always leave me feeling better.

The Life Captured Project is a wonderful little blog I've only just stumbled upon but I'm excited to learn more about it and excited to challenge myself to write more freely and daily about things that are important, things that aren't and things that I might like to remember when I sit back and look into this slice of my life years down the road.

So for today December 8...What happened at 6pm?

At 6pm I finally sat at the table with a plateful of hot shepherds pie, my phone in hand. I know phones at the table should be a no no but sometimes when you've had a rough day (such as I had today) you just want have that distraction.

In fact moments before 6pm I helped my 4.5 year old into his karate uniform and rushed him out the door with my hubby so he wouldn't be late for his 6:00 lesson.

Prior to this while getting dinner made and then on the table for the kids I had a meltdown of sorts. I've had quite a few of these lately. I can't deny I've been struggling. There just seems to be a whole lot that has decide to hit the fan all at once. The trigger today was a letter we received from our former housing corporation demanding we pay a nice hefty sum due to insufficient notice given for our move out and repairs that had to be done to the property. The thing is that we did give notice but they did not receive it in writing a full month ahead like they wanted. But they didn't tell us this was required until after we had already verbally told them we were moving out, leaving us to pay for a month of rent when we wouldn't be there. The repairs that we have to pay for are a few minor wear and tear type items that occurred over the years of us living in a home that was poorly up kept by the landlords themselves. I accept that we have to take responsibility for this whether we like it or not but the timing just could not be worse. It's almost Christmas we are already pinching our pennies and now we need to come up with money we just don't have. Sigh. Just one of those moments when I couldn't help but feel like life is utterly and unforgivably unfair.

So at today 6pm when I sat down with my dinner and my phone, I opened up my fb feed to read the kind heated words of love and encouragement written in response to my vaguely depressed status post. I don't often share these types of statuses because I like to keep my private personal struggles to myself (for the most part) but I have really been needing a helping hand lately and I can't lie I was searching desperately for a pick me.

Some days 6pm is kind of rough and today just happened to be one of them.

Jordan